1 Active Quest (Anxiety/Mania)

I need to do something right now and I can't.


I applied to McDonald's and am in the process of being hired, however they can only fill out the forms on Wednesday. I stayed up until 2 am to complete my food handling certification. I printed out the form. I went to the McDonald's on a Thursday.


"Hey, I was told to bring this?" I say, holding the certificate out to the manager.


"Yes! But not until Wednesday, bring your ID."


Wednesday. One day missed. I need this job. I need to start now, I need more information. I spent hours googling what was going to be expected of me. I assembled everything I was going to need. I bought the slip-proof shows. I bought the black pants and polo shirt even though I knew there was a good chance the uniform would be provided to me. I googled reviews of what it was like to work at McDonalds.


"Hard, but easy."


"Everyday is different."


"A good experience!"


Not helpful. I need to know. I need to know everything about working at McDonald's but specifically this McDonalds. I need the employees to tell me, to give me information. I need my paperwork filled out.


1 Quest Active - Fill out I9 forms at McDonalds: 120 hours until completion


I need to finish. I need it done. I can't do anything else until it's done but I can't finish it. I woke up at 4 am today because I was so sure sure sure sure I had something to do. I don't. My day is empty stretching out into infinity. A leisure day. I could spend it's entirety in bed but I can't can't can't because I have something to do. I need to be doing it right now but I can't. I have to wait but I am not built for it. I need to be doing, doing this.


And I am terrifed that by the time Wednesday comes, this mania will be over, and maybe I'll be too depressed to leave my bed and go. I have no gaurentee over my mood, no control. I need to do something right now and I can't, so why can't I trade? Why can't today be a bad day, and Wednesday be full of energy and the urge to do something? 


I feel like if I don't do something right now I am going to explode. My stomach will rot into jerky and my shoulders will twitch right off of me and my brain itches.


I need something to entertain myself with, but everytime I settle down with a book or movie or beloved TV show, all I can think is:


I have something I need to do.

User Comments

I have always found the things I put off and worry about can be solved easily if I take action and do them, not for any other reason other than clearing my mind of the distraction and anxiety over it.  have you managed to complete the form yet?