I try to avoid venting on social media since it always gets interpreted a different way but oh well.
 
Not that strong as i look to be. Never was strong to begin with. Kinda sucks with this part of my life where I feel i'm in that ditch again trying to climb out. Past jobs i've found really amazing friends along with new experience in social life. From being part of one amazing business after another there are times where i step back and live in the past and remember the good times i've had and how far i've grown. Sometimes I feel i haven't grow at all.
 
Lot of things going through my head lately. Where do I go from here? Why am I struck with this type of bad luck? Do I give up? Do I keep going? Just a lot of things i'm thinking about but at the same time i know it's not what I should be doing yet I find myself back to doing it again. I find escapes like listening to audio of Mall Chatter, Games, Music, Nature, Exercise. All those things just to keep my mind from rotating back. It's hard but I try my best to keep positive and look at things as lessons and not take it that much to heart.
 
Lately i've been having SUPER highs being super productive looking and applying at new jobs along with following up. Then I have SUPER lows with no jobs calling back for interviews when they have open positions so i feel like i'm probably not fit for that job. It sucks a lot. but I know i'm supposed to just keep throwing myself out there and apply at more places. And just hope to be accepted. The analyst spot fell through as I got replaced with another person on the team as they get ready for the new NACS season and decided as a whole it would be better for the team. Bummed about that but I hope the best for them in the upcoming season.
 
Many things I want to say to a lot of people like apologize for things i've done maybe turn back time and stop myself from making those things happen that set my life into this type of wreck even though it might not even look like it. So many friendships i'd like to start over from the beginning. But I guess that type of thinking isn't good as well since living in the past with a fantasy point of view is bad.
 
I'll keep pushing though. I'm sure that is what people would want me to do and i'm sure that's what I should be doing. Just at this point in time right now I feel so down like time is slowing down and I don't know what to do. But I know i'll figure something out. I always do. Somehow.
 
To anyone who got this far down my wall of running thoughts thanks for reading. Sorry for spamming your wall. Thanks for the time we've shared whether it's a few words of exchange or a friendship that's still lasting. I'm thankful for people i've met for even just a few minutes to those i've met and said goodbye to over the years. Whether we left on bad terms or left with memories. Everything impacted my life in ways that made me learn and made me realize.
 
I think i'm going to be alright. As long as I keep pushing.
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