My ugly life so far

Hello everyone, I just wanted to come here and rant about my life and wallow in self pity for a while.

I'm openly gay and am lucky to live in a place with a really good lgbt community. I'm pretty lucky all round as I have never experienced any homophobia or bullying about my sexuality. My main problem in life is that I am not cute. Other people tell me I am attractive but I think that they are saying that out of politeness than being honest with me. I'm overweight and pretty feminine. I've dated in the past but I can't get over my hang ups about my appearance.

I tried again and again to lose weight. I failed. Over and over again I failed.

So I turned to diet pills and later to coke. Everyone around me is worried about my health, I can tell. But I still feel obese and undesirable. My addiction to cocaine has turned me into a vile monster, even worse than before.

I need to come off the hard drugs and get clean. Its the only way I have control over my appearance so mentally I don't want to quit them. I want to keep going. As long as I look the way I want I feel better about myself but deep down I know it is false and I am the fat waste of space I always was

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