BDD

I'm 23 from London and have bdd, had it since I was 10, got horrendously bad when I was 14/15. Anyway I'm feeling awful today, so won't be writing in full sentences or well, but need to write something. I feel so alone, been in room all day. My dad judges me like mad because of my illness, he doesn't understand. If ppl understood mental illness, or FELT it, they would feel so silly if they remembered the bolocks they say about the people who suffer from it. Get over it, snap out of it, you want an excuse to do nothing, youre lazy, get some sun, have a drink, wash your hair, put makeup on, buy some new clothes. Visit someone. Look for a course online. Get a job. Go back to your cave. You're a joke. Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh SHUT UP!!! I'm not lazy, I mean yes I can be, but really, honestly not lazy enough to pretend to have a mental illness, or not get a job,nor be at school or any of those things, because I'm desperate for a life. Lord knows I try my best but when your own worst enemy is yourself, your appearance, it can feel impossible to do something positive, because everything is a trigger. It's like my face and body is a ball and chain around my ankle. All I see is myself, my vileness, the grotesqueness of myself. surely life can be better then this. I really hope so, because this feels too much to bare. 

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