Dumped, empty- but not hopeless

Hi there. I got dumped on Sunday. By a girl I honestly thought my future belonged with; but I guess that isn't how life pans out. I've always been a closed off person, I've always been reluctant to love and to let myself get invested, but she promised she'd never hurt me. Well, she stayed with me for Christmas, and in about 10 days after leaving, apparently all the love she once felt for me was gone, my whole world was pulled out from under my feet to be honest. To go from dreams of uni together, life together and then to be left so easily, to be left by someone just giving up at the first sign of trouble, it sucks. 

I feel empty, to be honest. I feel sad and crushed, heartbroken and I feel like I'll never love anyone as deeply as my first love. But it's okay. I'm not hopeless, life goes on, as depressed as I've been for the majority of my life, the sadness I feel now isn't the numbness of the self harm or binge drinking or the depression that has plagued me. Which has in turn made me realise that to feel this sad, to feel this emotion, I've felt the opposite, I've felt intense euphoria for her and intense highs, which I also never felt before she waltzed into my life, so it's okay, it's a beautiful sadness, as summed up by a South Park character, haha. 

I don't know if my life in general will improve, I dont hold many hopes for the future in general, but I don't feel hopeless about being dumped, that's not made things indefinitely worse, things will be okay, eventually. It may take time, it may take a hell of a lot of boxing and MMA and weightlifting to replace those emotional highs and to keep my mind off of her, but that's good too, self reflection and self improvement are a massive part of life, it's the only way for me to move on. 

I'm not excited or happy facing a life without her, but it's just a fact of life, my faith as Buddhist is also a staple for me and I really am thankful for having that there. Hopefully time will heal all wounds. 

 

Peace xx

User Comments
Anon-1

hey - trust me, first love is the hardest but it does get better. you are doing all the right things, time does heal - things I was devastated by when I was younger would not even affect me now, its part of aging and life experience.  I don't mean that condescendingly at all, so hope it doesn't come accross that way! Stay strong.