I'm in love with two men.

I'm almost 40. This isn't a school girl crush. But I love two men. 

I took a break from my boyfriend because it was getting serious and I freaked out a bit.  My previous relationship had been mentally abusive which I think played a big part in the freak out, despite my new boyfriend being absolutely brilliant, supportive and caring.  He was going travelling anyway so it made sense for me to sort my head out at this point in time.

During this time a friend of mine told me he was into me and we ended up sleeping together...  Quite a few times.  We're close, have always spent a lot of time together, have so much in common and have a lot of fun.  I've been falling for him massively over the past few months.

But I'm still very much in love with my 'on a break' boyfriend.  We still chat occasionally and I miss him. He's back next month and I can't keep him thinking there's a chance for us if there isn't.

I know this is childish of me but I want both.  I'm heartbroken at the need to choose.  They're both very different and I have a lot of feelings for each of them. I can see futures with them both. I'm worried about making the wrong choice or losing them both. 

I have no idea how my life got to this place. I feel like I should know better. 

User Comments
Anon-1 It's not childish to love them both. Having a big heart is a good thing. But if you're having trouble deciding who to be with, maybe it'd be best to take a step back from both of them whilst you think about it. Your feelings aren't wrong. It's just more respectful to both these men if you make your choice after you have a bit of perspective. Good luck to you!