the guy who lost his love.

sorry for all spelling errors or grammatical mistakes
To begin this story I suppose I should start at the beginning, I am a lonely child, my father has drug problems so I dont dare be in his life, my mother was never around or out with guys, and moved out of my province so I no longer have her. I am simply alone.

3 years 4 months ago, I met an amazing girl, we talked online for a long time before we finally met. We picked up our courage, and I snuck over to see her, I was 19, she was 18. I crawled through the window to her room I stumbled and almost felt; just as I though I would fall, she caught me, giggled, looked into my eyes and kissed me. My heart finally felt where it was meant to be; with her. As months went on we talked more, saw each other more, and just kept falling madly in love, she quickly became the most important person in my exsistence. about a half year went by and I made a mistake, I started talking to a girl over a program called skype, we video chatted and things quickly got inappropriate. she found out, and I felt my heart clutching, I some how talked this amazing girl to give me a second chance and she did, we would ahve fights every now and then, and sometimes she would think about it and be sad, but my god I loved her and I could tell she still loved me despite the fuck up I made. Months go by, about a year and a half later I am going off to college, shes sad, she thinks ill find someone else and I reassure her and tell her shes all I will ever want. At the time, and till this day I meant it and still love her with all of my heart. She began on a social site talking to people, it started out simple and cute, and she felt happy to know and talk to people she called friends. As time went on it got out of control and she would do inappropriate gifs on this site, nothing fully nude, but in lingerie. She would say things that she shouldnt of been saying, things too personal or meant just for me and her. I was enraged, upset, sad, I felt broken. We fought more often because of this, I became more controlling and over all she was no longer having any happiness for a few months. this is about our 2 and a half year point in the relationship. Despite everything though, I told her I would love her, that I do love her and I meant it, she once has forgiven me for making a much too similar mistake, how could I just break up she was my everything. Again months go by, we sort of get back in the grove, we have fun, we love each other, we kiss, cuddle talk to each other it was wonderful. However there was one thing I over looked, she would sit me down and talk to me, about how we lost our excitement, how I have become a bit too stubborn, over bearing or controlling. I of course like the fool I was shrugged it off, never imagining us not being together; because to me she was everything in this world thats good.

Around christmas time which was our 3 year mark, I started thinking about what she had been saying. I started reflecting on myself and thinking of ways to improve our relationship, I found a plance in a city she worked, and within months I would be there and I could finally show her im willing to work harder, be a better man for her, and show her how much she means to me. Sadly I didnt have months, in january a month after I decided all this, she met a guy at work. She became interested in him, and eventually lied to me so she could hang out with him, they had fun, they had laughs, they cuddled. When the night came to an end he kissed her, she at first pushed him back, then she kissed him again. The very first thing she did was come tell me through crying eyes how sorry she was, and that she still loved me, but didnt know if our relationship was the one for her. She said I shrugged things off far too long and I may have lost my chance. At this point half way through jan, we still talk, kiss, and at times say we love each other. I try to give her time to sort her feelings out, but everytime I think of it, its like a gaint bowling ball drops into my throat, its hard to breathe, I tear up; then I think of my future without her and I realize how bleak and awful it seems. Even despite all this I love her, accept her and want to be with her, but what hurts the most out of it all is that she doesnt know if she any longer feels the same way. I dont blame her, I mean how could I possibly blame her? It truly was all my fault, if only I had just listened, opened my hear, wasn't so stubborn I could of possibly fixed this, we could of maybe kept our happiness. At this moment I write most of this through teary choke filled eyes and realize this may be one of my biggrest regrets to ever have in my life. However why shouldnt it be? Technically it was all my fault, and even though its selfish and I realize my mistakes I want her back, I want that smile, those eyes looking into mine, my head on her chest listening to that heart beat she gave me such peace, that I really dont know if anything else will ever be the same in my life. She is the most incredible girl I have ever known, and even if we may never end up back together, I love her, and I will be here for her whenever she needs me. I guess this would be the end of my rather too many worded story, its a sad ending, for a sad man I suppose.

User Comments

Reading this made my heart hurt so it must be awful for you.  However reading it, she doesn't seem to have been respecting you throoughout this relationship so it may be that what has happened is for the best in the long run. Sorry you have to go through this, I hope you stay strong and it gets easier soon.