Leaving the slums

I was raised in poverty. My mother was an addict, I still am an addict. Something about me changed the way I see the world when I was using drugs and drinking. I knew there was more to life than my addiction. My mother was also my abuser. My step mother was my abuser. My father allowed it. I've been sober a little over 2 years now. I worked my way through a 2 year college education while abusing drugs. I started work as a commissioned officer, shortly after that i got sober and reconnected with family before they died. Had it not been for my sobriety I would still be working. Upon my renewed interest in my family, I was put back into the graces. Upon my mother's mom dying I recieved one million dollars outside of her estate. Upon my step mother dying I was given half of her life insurance policy. I'm back in school, debt free. I am happy joyous and free. I feel guilty about the inheritance, unworthy of anything nice. I still struggle with accepting that my life has changed drastically. I'm no longer friends with the majority of people from my past. My brother is my best friend. My sisters are actively struggling with their own demons. There's nothing I can do to help them. I isolate myself because I can't trust people. I isolate myself because I don't trust me. I'm so afraid that in five years I will have accomplished nothing and have wasted my inheritance chasing this dream of being a better person. I only know struggle. I only know pain. I only know what it feels like to lose.

User Comments
Anon-1

hello, sounds to me like you have made great steps towards improving yourself and your situation. Congratulations on the sobriety, thats a hard thing to achieve so you should be proud of yourself, I know how difficult that can be.

Fear of the future is a strange thing, it can overwhelm you when most of the things you fear never even happen. I get how it can hold you in a negative way but you are doing well and I hope it continues to be good for you for a long time to come :)

Anon-2

"I'm so afraid that in five years I will have accomplished nothing and have wasted my inheritance chasing this dream of being a better person. I only know struggle. I only know pain. I only know what it feels like to lose."

I really don't know who you are, but based from what you said, I think you've made a huge turning point in your life. This turning point in your life speaks for yourself of "being a better person". I maybe a stranger to you and my words might become meaningless for you, but all I want to say is that I'm proud of you. Small steps lead to great achievements. Don't get discouraged. It is normal to doubt, but giving up when there's a possible chance of victory that can be manipulated by your own hands shouldn't be taken for granted. Good luck. Sorry if it may not be that much.