I Hate Myself.

I hate myself and wish I was dead I've been bullied and abused by so called friends, my ex,  and people in general and I want my pain to end. I have no friends no girlfriend nobody that cares or loves me. When I see happy couples or friends having fun I get heart broken and ask myself why can't that be me? Why don't anyone want to have fun with me?

My ex girlfriend got pregnant I was happy because I've want a family of my own but she threw it away. She aborted our child told me she didn't want my child to live this broke me in every way. If she didn't want to be a mother I would raise the child myself she could leave and wouldnt have to do anything. Sometimes I dream of this and wake up crying and in a fit of rage. Why did she do this to our child and to me?

I feel like I'm a lost cause and completely gave up on life and myself I pray to God and ask for him to take my life and end my suffering but yet I'm still here. Does he have a plan for me? I doubt it.

I try to meet new people but no one seems interested in being friends or talking to me so I ask why can't I be normal like everyone else? So I compare myself to others and it makes me even more depressed when I realize I'm not good enough for anyone. I would love to have some good friends and someone who loves me and cherish the relationships but that is unattainable for me.

When I get depressed  I hurt myself physically to make the outside feel like i do on the inside PAIN why do I do this to myself I guess it's a mix of everything frustration, depression, and anger I hate myself for all the stuff I'm not I know that sounds stupid. 

Sometimes I want to end my life with all the pain and negativity in my life but some reason I don't do it and I can't understand why.

Why do people hate me? Why must I live with such suffering?

Maybe one day I'll wake up in a new reality a new me and actually be happy.

Maybe if I die I might see my child that was never born. I love you my child maybe I'll get to see you one day and when that day come I'll be happy.

 

 

User Comments
Anon-1

hating yourself is something I have done and something I now realise was completely unhealthy. Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling? You've been through a lot and how you are thinking isn't you, its symptomatic of depression. I'm not a doctor but I think you really need to speak to a professional and get some help.