Hell is other people.

The day I was cast out of the little company I had in my class was November 13th, 2003. I was 13 years old and I knew right from the moment I walked into class that morning that something was more off than usual. I had never been well liked; I was a late bloomer, looking like 10 when I was 13, a loner, book nerd, piano playing quiet girl with a lot of self confidence issues which would probably reclassified as "social anxiety" these days, but back then I was just told not to make a fuss. 

The other students would not answer to my shy version of "good morning" at all. They would even lower their voices. What they decided in their hushed tone was the next six years of my life, determine the issues I am still dealing with today. They manufactured a lie to make me an outcast. Aubrey, a pretty and popular girl, was to claim that I had said that Harriet, then my best friend, was crummy. Kaitlyn, Gina, Jim and whatever their names were were all in, and all supporting Aubrey's and Harriet's idea. 


The day was hell. I was suffering constant harrassment through whispering or notes all day. I'd hide in the restroom during breaks. When I got home, they called. They were cruel and merciless. Even today, twelve years later, I can hear their voices, see their grins, hear the accusations.


I do not know why they did it. To this day, I have no idea whatsoever, I just know they didn't stop until we graduated. Each day, I woke up hoping they would stop, and when it became clear they would never stop, I went to bed wishing I would wake up and be someone else.


I hated myself so much I lapsed into anorexia. No one noticed and I pulled myself back out. I never leave the house without makeup on. I always triple-check my appearance. I have a therapist. I am 25 and my sister has more of a vision of her future than I do even though she's only 20.


I know exactly where they are, what they do and how they live. I see them live their lives and scramble mine back together. They made me an existentialist, because: Hell is other people.

User Comments

This is a poignant story of how the most seemingly innocuous events can, over time, have a profound effect upon the lives of those around us. Please accept my best wishes for your future as you put your life back together. There are good people out there... people who've experienced things like this, and who will care about you, and want you to feel better, and who won't judge you. 

Wishing you all the best in life :)